Cries from a Cocoon

Caterpillars are born, but butterflies come from cocoons.

For 18 years I was a caterpillar. I lived a life very similar to everyone else. I had my ups, I had my downs, but you, not only were you my favorite girl, but you were my favorite up. We were just two caterpillars slowly going through life on the ground.

That all changed.

You didn’t want to go through life with me anymore.

You left me stranded, and alone. I was so used to you being my home, I didn’t know where else to go. So, I went to the only other place I knew I could go. I pulled into the dark gym parking lot, and put the car in park. The car was quiet, lonely, and empty. My cocoon.

The silence was about to disappear.

As a man, crying and screaming alone in your car is one of the most humbling moments to experience. I wasn’t ready to experience it. If I experienced it that would officially mean our days were over.

I… I…

I couldn’t hold it in. It was over.

The seat that was once occupied by you, was now only used to echo the sounds of my cries and screams. The car that once was home to our laughs, and singing, now was only home to my broken heart.

All I wanted was to break free of my cocoon, and be back on the ground with you, where I was safe and at home. Unfortunately no amount of screams could possibly break it.

I was mad at myself, but truthfully nothing could have prepared me for that breakdown in my car. Every place I had been to before, every person I had met, none could prepare me for that night. Sure, I had been in my car hundreds of times, but not like this. Not broken hearted. I was lost, I was alone, and I felt no future ahead of me. The dark walls of the cocoon YOU forced me in caused me to be blind to the future.

I was wrong though.

Looking back at it, that night in my car is what sparked my future. Yes, you forced me into the cocoon, but those painful cracks that you inflicted on me eventually broke it. That is where I come from. That night, that car, that cocoon, it transformed me into who I am today. The butterfly.

I now view life differently. I have grown, matured, and am learning to fly. Things aren’t perfect though. I sometimes see you crawling on the ground, and wish you could look up and see the beautiful butterfly you turned me into. I soar through the air, still hoping that one day when I look down, I don’t see you crawling anymore, but instead see you flying by my side.

But in order for that to happen you first must come from a cocoon.